My Feelings For You Are Love Not Lust: Part One

“I need a break,” my friend Sasha mumbled as she stormed out of the Chemistry lab angrily. From what does she need a break? I wondered as I sped to keep up with her pace, but she was walking briskly and I had never seen her walk that fast. For a moment I was sick worried about her. What could have happened to make her react like that? I had a lot of questions circulating in my mind, but I wouldn’t get my answers unless I caught up with her. Tossing the questions aside, I decided to run after her as she had gained several meters away from me. As I was running, I bumped into a group of rowdy form one and two students who were leaving for home after evening prep. Panting, I navigated my way through the thick crowd but my speed had to slow down which made me lose sight of her. I stopped to catch a breath, then guessing where she could be I resumed running in that direction, but when I got to the library she wasn’t there, I searched for her in other places but didn’t see her. It was already getting dark and boarding students were already matching excitedly to the dining hall for supper, I decided to go home. On my way I couldn’t stop thinking about her so I decided to drop by her house to check if she was home before going to my place.

At Sasha’s house, her parents were sitting in their small living room sipping cups of tea silently. Sasha pushed the black still door open slightly enough to let her in. As she stepped in, she put on a fake smile before greeting her parents who were looking at her curiously then her father started, “So, you’re coming from the usual evening Chemistry class?” Before she could respond, her mother spoke up, “We need to complain about that Chemistry teacher at the next board meeting.” ‘Complain about Chemistry teacher! But why? Do my parents know something? Aren’t they angry with me about…?” several questions were forming in her mind when her father added sternly, “Yes Roseline, you’re right, I think it’s time we complain about him keeping students on prep until late hours, these students are girls and it’s risky for them to walk alone late.” Her parents continued discussing the Chemistry teacher and they didn’t notice that she had gone to her room. Standing there listening to them talking about the man was making everything worse for her and she couldn’t bear it, she had to leave. She locked herself inside her small room and threw her backpack on the sofa before slumping to the floor, hands on her temples. She shut her eyes tightly and the voice of Davis, the Chemistry teacher telling her, “You’re not the one I’m marrying.” resounded in her mind, it played over and over again as if tormenting her.

Earlier
The evening prep was over, and Sasha was so excited that she jumped up and down bidding everyone goodbyes, not that she loathed evening classes, as many of her classmates including her best friend, Linda believed. One of her classmates even had teased her calling her ‘anti prep bae’. She didn’t care, she didn’t have to explain herself, only she and he knew the reason behind her usual excitement whenever the bell for end-of-evening classes rang. It always meant it was time for her to meet the love of her life, to have some short romantic moments with him before rushing home to avoid her parents getting anxious. And for that reason, she had always avoided her best friend’s evening companies by giving one reason or the other for he had made it clear that this relationship should be a secret between the two of them until the right time. And it was her responsibility to make sure her friend did not suspect anything. She was ready to do anything that he told her for she loved him so dearly, he was her chemistry teacher but so what? Outside classes he was her Davis, her first and maybe forever love. She was first fond of him when she joined the school as a form one student, but over time the liking had blossomed into deep romantic feelings for him. And he felt the same way for her. Now she’s a form four student and very soon she’ll be sitting for her final exams (KCSE), that means she wouldn’t have to keep the relationship a secret anymore, and she wouldn’t have to wait till the end of classes or weekends for his touch. That made her even more excited. “Linda, I left one of my revision books in the Chemistry lab, could you please come with me to pick it up.” She asked her friend squeezing her hand playfully.

As they walked joyfully to the Chemistry lab, she started fantasizing about them finally being together, in her mind, she could see that the KCSE was over and they were living together, probably married, she could see them preparing meals together in a small but beautiful kitchen, she could see him slicing onions for her and tearing uncontrollably and she was laughing at him, she could see him feeding her soups, she could see them doing dishes and laundries together, she could see them playing in their bedroom, throwing pillows at each other playfully, she could see him pick her up and throwing her on bed romantically, and she could see herself begging him to climb up, She could see them sitting at the shores of Lake Victoria enjoying the cool breeze from the sea, she could see them walking along the warm beach of Indian Ocean holding hands. As she took in all these sweet moments forming inside her rich mind, she smiled shyly and muttered under her breath, “My feelings for you are love and not Lust,” her friend noticed but she looked away quickly and denied having smiled. They finally reached the Chemistry lab and she told her friend to wait for her outside “I’ll be quick,” looking at her friend to see any signs of determination to come in with her, she said seriously. She had to be very careful to avoid exposing their relationship prematurely, for it could come with serious consequences.

Inside the spacious Chemistry lab, Davis was sitting gloomily on a high stool in a corner, one hand supporting his head as if it would fall if he withdrew the hand. His phone was on the table in front of him, occasionally, he would tap the screen of the phone to check the time, and then he would look impatiently outside through the window near him for a sign of her. When he saw her with a company, he frowned slightly but it faded away when he saw her saying something seriously to her friend which made her stand rooted to the spot, then he shifted his gaze to the door anticipating her entrance.

Sasha entered joyfully and leaped at him as hungry for a kiss as a starving lion, but today he didn’t respond with the same energy he always did. He was rather reluctant which made Sasha stop. “What is it?” She asked disappointedly

He stood up from the stool and moved a few steps from it then he said gravely, “I’m getting married.”

“What? Inching closer to him excitedly she grabbed his hands and squeezed them softly, we’re finally getting married, yay!” She started screaming when Davis hurriedly withdrew his hands from hers and covered her mouth anxiously, afraid that her friend outside might hear her. Then he spoke again but this time his eyes revealed all the emotions within him so that she wouldn’t get the wrong idea again, “I’m so sorry Sasha…”

Before he could finish the statement, Sasha cut in, “For what? You shouldn’t be sorry but happy. Look beb, I’m already eighteen and not a child anymore in less than two months I’ll be done with KCSE which is why there is no problem with getting married even tomorrow, and besides we have waited patiently for so long, maybe it’s a time we put an end to this dry spell.” She looked into his eyes to see a change in his expression but he couldn’t look her in the eyes, he turned his head away in shame, this was atypical of him. Right this instant, she knew there was something else, she could sense it, as she had said, she was not a child anymore, she was grown-up ready to go into the outside world.

Clearing a lump that was forming inside his throat, he spoke up in a horse voice, “You are not the one I’m marrying.”

“What? She couldn’t believe it, she had suspected that something was amiss but she didn’t expect it to be this wrong.

“What do you mean I’m not the one you’re marrying, I’m your girlfriend, aren’t I?”

“…,” he hesitated
“Dev?”

“Tell me I’m your girlfriend.”

“Beb, you know you’re my girlfriend.”

“Then why are you getting married to someone else?”

“…,” he hesitated again

“Just be honest with me and tell me the truth, am I your only girlfriend?”

He didn’t answer but reading the expression on his face she got her answer. There, open and ugly. She stared at him blankly for a while before grabbing her backpack and storming out of the lab angrily, when she got out her friend was standing there looking at her curiously, to avoid her questions she mumbled “I need a break.” Then she picked up speed to avoid her friend catching up with her as she was not in the mood to explain anything. She had used a different route and had gone opposite direction so that her friend wouldn’t guess she was going home. She knew her friend very well, she was so good at getting information from people, but she wasn’t willing to share any information at the moment.

Inside her room it was already getting darker, the window was still open, she stared in that direction, it was the same window he had come in through on several occasions sometimes to deliver french fries and juice to her for supper whenever she complained about food at home or maybe on a hot Saturday when she didn’t go out to meet him at their secret place because she was studying. It is the same window he had delivered his birthday gifts to her late at night when he had had a busy day on her birthday. Then her mind drifted to their secret meeting place but she was interrupted by a gentle knock at the door, she didn’t move to open it, the person knocked persistently but still she didn’t move, then finally the knocker called out, “Sasha it’s me, open the door please,” Linda pleaded, but there was no response.

“Sasha I know you’re there, Aunty told me you’re in your room, please open I’m so worried about you.” Still no answer.

“Okay then, if you don’t want to open the door, then at least tell me you’re okay.” Again silence

Dear audience if you enjoyed the story, don’t forget to clap, comment or highlight and stay tuned for part two of it